I act like I’m okay but deep down…

I act like I’m okay but deep down, I want to know what couples say to each other during their wedding ceremony especially when they are having their first dance. I want to know what is really so funny. I’m not a hater, please. I’m just really interested in knowing what he’s saying to her that is making her blush so hard and what she’s whispering in his ears that it’s making him smile and chuckle. Is this too much to ask? Like, the next wedding I’m going to, you guys need to fill me in because deep down, I can’t stop guessing what y’all saying to each other.

I act like I’m okay but deep down I don’t understand why you are wearing sunglasses inside an office or a restaurant. To the best of my understanding, sunglasses are supposed to protect the eyes from the rays of the sun, correct? I know I am but what I don’t understand, fine girl is why are wearing it in a confinement? I understand you want to slay but please now, it’s getting embarrassing, even for me to look at you.

I act like I’m okay but deep down ,I don’t understand why people are hawking their bodies on the streets and in the gyms. I understand the slogan "my body, my choice" but I think you people have now turned gyms into a venue to display your goodies, exchange contacts and snaps or how do you people call it?, to begin your route to adultery and fornication. I don’t understand when indecency became a trend, but I promise you, it’s not giving what you think it’s giving. It’s giving tacky and it’s very classless.

Modesty always wins, and I’m not "a pick me girl", I’m just telling you the truth.

I act like I’m okay but deep down, I want to understand if you people that eat Rice and Okro are cultists? No offense, I genuinely want to know what you find salivating in it. Like you mean, our beloved Rice with that slimy thing called Okro? I’m a Yoruba girl and the only time I call Okro into my business is when I want to eat Amala. Otherwise, let it mind its business. If you are guilty of this "Rice and Okro" allegation, see you in court!

I act like I’m okay but deep down, I can’t stand People’s pleasers. I’ve been there before and it wasn’t a good experience. So, I know how it is and now, I really can’t stand people who would go a hundred miles for people who wouldn’t move an inch for them. I’m not going to be sympathetic to you because you really need to learn how to say No. Yes, the ability to say “NO” in capital letters is a skill if I do say so. Yes, you can be kind to everyone which I do encourage but No, you can’t make sacrifices for everyone especially people whom you are aware don’t care about you and you know the funny thing, you are not even doing it out of the goodness of your heart, you are doing it so that you won’t hurt the person with your answer. Grow up and stop trying to please everyone. Be kind but say No when needed. If this gets you offended, then I’m speaking to YOU!

I act like I’m okay but deep down, I genuinely want to ask a category of people who "claim" they like Turkey if they are sure their taste buds are okay? I mean, No offense but are you sure everything is okay? Like Turkey? I don’t mean the country -Turkey, like we write it. I mean the protein- Turkey.

So, what happened to Chicken? Fish even? Pork? Even Goat meet? And all you can think of is Turkey. All I can say is, it is well with you the TurkeyNation.

I act like I’m okay but deep down I want to know what kind of parenting is going on in this generation right now. Now, don’t tell me not to blame the parents for what I’m about to say because I will. Now, when I was growing up and this is not too far ago, I’m entering my mid-twenties, "they didn’t born us well" to be pressing phone anyhow. Infact, for some of us that had small phones then, it was strictly restricted during tests and school exams. Even sometimes for no reason, our parents just seized it and I know many others that didn’t have the privilege of using a phone till they gained admission into higher institution. Did we die? No, because if I had died due to lack of phone and Internet privilege, you wouldn’t be reading this right now.

Now, tell me why kids preparing for JAMB are doing Get Ready With Me (GRWM) to write JAMB? Like you mean you recorded a video and asked us to get ready with you to go to your JAMB center and you posted it on Obasanjo’s Internet? And you are kissing your boyfriend while "reading?" "And Kunle, you are using an iPhone 14? I don’t get it and that’s why I’m putting the major blames on the parents. I don’t know how y’all are bringing up your kids these days.

I act like I’m okay but deep down, I don’t understand some friendships I see these days. So, you have a very close friend but he/she is not cool with someone for a reason and that reason is very valid but you choose to also be close with that person he/she is not cool with and you are complaining that your original friend is drifting away from you. Can you even hear yourself? Do you think it’s funny? So, you expect your friend to be telling you about her life and all when you are close to someone she doesn’t like? I mean now, come on now. I’m not even going to say much before you say “my friend’s enemy (in this context, you know what i mean) doesn’t need to be my own enemies, I don’t inherit people’s enemies” but I hope you understand that your friend’s enemy too doesn’t need to be your friend! It all boils down to the level of friends you keep because some of y’all are tacky. Just use your wisdom. You don’t need to inherit anybody’s friend or enemy, just be yourself and play it cool! But if I were you, if my friend isn’t cool with someone for very good reasons, I would stay clear of that person too but what do I know? Until you put your hands inside pepper and put it in your eyes, your body won’t calm down!

I act like everything is okay but deep down, I don’t understand why people categorize their characters, weaknesses and bad habits on Zodiac signs. Why is it a justification for your bad character Aunty? Uncle, why are you using it as an escape from accountability? You have bad characters, don’t blame it on Zodiac signs and I honestly don’t know what my zodiac sign is and guess what, I don’t care because that’s not who I am. If you base your entire existence on Zodiac signs, I don’t know what to tell you bro! Be safe out there sis!

I act like I’m okay but deep down, I hope we can address the issues of Rude vendors too. Look, I know we always talk about how customers can be stressful, demanding, rude and impolite all because they believe they are paying you "good money" for your products and services. I’m a vendor too so believe me when I say, some vendors can be really rude and we don’t talk about this enough. My brother sometimes ago referred me to a vendor and when I messaged her, telling her about the referral and what I needed, she didn’t even return my greeting or welcome me. She just told me the price. I wasn’t offended, I proceeded to ask her how I was going to use it and the duration so I can know the quantity to get. She said "you will know when you buy". I was deeply offended here. Her tone, charisma, everything was off. I’m being polite to you, the least you can be is to return the same energy. You might want to defend her and say she might have been stressed with other customers but No, it’s not a valid excuse. Everyone is stressed one way or the other. If you feel overwhelmed, you shouldn’t have responded to my message immediately, wait till you are calm and then respond politely. You don’t need to transfer a customer’s aggression to other customers. Anyway, I didn’t get it from her and I deleted her contact straight away because her service is of no use to me. If you wonder why people are not patronizing you enough even though you have quality products or render quality services and you are affordable but they patronize someone who is more expensive than you or even the standard of their products is not up to yours, the difference might be in your customer service. People like where they are valued, respected, politely attended to, genuinely cared for. They are paying for it but they want value. So if you are being disrespectful in the way you receive your customers, I promise that you will not only lose them but every possible referral that you will get from them. Unless you change, but if you don’t, MARK MY WORDS!

I act like everything is okay but deep down, I want to know what goes on in the mind of people that wakes up, out on their camera, set their ring lights and begin to cry. Now I divided this into two categories;

You see some people will start crying on camera because their partners broke up with them, post it on Mark Zuckerberg’s confinement and now that it has reached us, what do you want us to do? Beat your boyfriend? Slap your girlfriend? I don’t get, what should we do? Don’t you people have families? Do you not have people you are accountable to? Are you shameless? Do you not feel concerned for your future? I honestly have no words.

Now, to those of you vendors that you will record yourself crying to market your products. You see, I did a course on Marketing and there was no module when they discussed with us that Crying is a form of Product promotion and marketing. So, I’m really surprised y’all. You know what the funny thing is? Many people will not patronize you because they can term you to being manipulative. If your products are good or you render good services and all things being equal, the least thing you might consider doing is begging people to buy your products because if you are bold, have good expertise and confident enough, your products and services will command people to come for it. Now, you are crying and you expect me to buy? Even, I am empathetic. Now, what do you think non-empathetic people will see you as? Answer the question yourself.
Now it’s all good, you have cried but ask yourself, is it recording? What if all the tears didn’t record and you have to start again. Oh My God, let me go and sleep.

I act like I’m okay but deep down, I am craving my favorite food. I know you want to know what it is, I’ve been called weird but it’s okay. Now, don’t laugh. I’m craving Soft Yam and fish sauce. Yes, I said it. I know I have triggered some of you earlier but forgive me, it’s because I’m craving my favorite food. Okay, bye.
See y’all when my craving gets satisfied!